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While our greatest hope is for our children to turn into happy adults, most of us moms grit our teeth a fair amount on the road there. After we hustle our kids off to soccer practice, shop for dinner and hunt down the perfect kindergarten, we are left with little inspiration to model the one thing we most wish for our children: happiness. It’s not that we don’t want to be happy. It’s more a question of how to fit it into our schedule. Read on for some practical tips from parenting experts on how to move "be happy" to the top of your to-do list. 1. Be Yourself Much of our stress and irritation as parents comes from trying to live up to impossible standards. “Mothers universally feel that they ‘are never good enough,’” says Meg Meeker, MD, author of The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers: Reclaiming Our Passion, Purpose and Sanity. A lot of these feelings of inadequacy come from comparing ourselves with other moms and competing in ways both small (bringing an elaborate dish to the potluck) and large (pushing our kids to achieve on the playing field). “It's tempting to look around us to see if we measure up with other moms,” says Meagan Francis, author of The Happiest Mom: 10 Secrets to Enjoying Motherhood, “but when we're comparing our private lives to somebody else's public game face, we're not getting a very accurate picture.” Francis adds that the best way to be a happy mom—and a good mom—is to be yourself. “Don't try to be anyone else's version of what a good mother should be,” Francis says. “Be the best version of who you are, and your children will recognize that and learn from it." Think about your own strengths and work them into your everyday life as a mom. Maybe sewing costumes isn't your thing, but you love to bake. This Halloween, buy costumes even though all the other moms are making theirs, and instead bake a batch of cookies to munch on while you all get ready to go trick-or-treating. When you play up your strengths as a parent, you are bound to have more fun and be happier. 2. Pencil in Solitude Routinely setting aside time to go for a walk, write in a journal or read a book is one simple way you can raise your daily happiness quotient. “Mothers contend with so much stimulation during the day that life becomes overwhelming. From kids crying and older children needing homework help to answering cell phones and replying to emails, mothers can feel as though their nervous system is becoming fried,” says Dr. Meeker. Solitude is a necessity for our mental health. “Solitude achieves two very important purposes,” Dr. Meeker explains. “First, it allows mothers to quiet the 'noise' in their lives so that they can refresh themselves and hear themselves think. It allows our nervous system to slow down and become quieter so that we can recharge mentally, physically and emotionally. Second, solitude gives us a reprieve from giving. No woman can sustain constant giving to other humans (even if they are children) without a break.” If you don’t have even a half-hour to yourself each day, it may be time to reassess your to-do list. For example, do the brownies for this year's bake sale really need to be made from scratch? Probably not—and by opting for the easier method, you can carve out a little bit of time for yourself. 3. Practice “Slow Family Time” Slowing down the rush of family life has been one of the keys to happiness for Tsh Oxenreider, creator of SimpleMom.net and author of Organized Simplicity. “For our family,” Oxenreider says, “we’ve defined slowing down as ‘moving together at a deliberate and unhurried pace.’ When we slow down, we're able to choose how to spend the 24 hours in each day, and therefore find more meaning in our activities.” Oxenreider achieves this by planning activities around family life, not the other way around: “Each Sunday, my husband and I meet to talk about our upcoming week. It only takes 30 minutes, but that brief connection gives us a chance to look at our calendars and decide how many evenings we'll schedule out of the house, how we can help each other with upcoming tasks and how to dictate our commitments, instead of letting our commitments dictate us." For other families, “slow family time” might mean leaving unstructured time in your schedule or simply hanging out with your kids at home with no particular plans or goal in mind. More tips for being a happier mom! Stories you might like:
Do you follow these tips? What other tips do you have for being a happier parent? Provided photo |
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